Scene of the Week: The Patriot
If you’re looking to cap off a weekend of fireworks, grilled meats, ice cold beer, and American flag themed clothing, then you came to the right place because here at Bulletproof Action we’re so Patriotic that when I noticed I didn’t have any red on to go with my white and blue I gave myself a nosebleed and smeared it across my chest. Who knew they would look down on such a thing in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A but I still walked out with a belly full of chicken nuggets and a great big sense of American pride. After settling down I decided that in order to put myself at ease after a truly memorable Independence Day Weekend that I would pop on probably my eighth favorite Mel Gibson movie and spread out on the couch like Al Bundy. God Bless America!
Mel Gibson snatches Old Glory away from that cowardly guy and tosses away his now useless pistol (who needs a firearm when you have an American flag?) and charges into the action like a man who desperately wants to die by gunfire. Lucky for him the British all of a sudden forget that they were the most disciplined army on the planet and stare at him like he’s got a dick growing from his forehead. That then leads to the ultimate showdown between Mad Max and Colonel Tavington’s horse which I’m happy to say is won by Max but in what had to have been a serious twist for non-Revolutionary War buffs, Colonel Tavington is so pissed at the death of his horse, he fights Gibson to the death! Crazy! Mel gets sliced up like a Christmas ham but thanks in part to just how damned patriotic he is he’s able to bury a couple of bayonets into Tavington’s belly and cause the Adam Lambert look-a-like British officers to retreat from the battlefield. It’s so historically accurate you would almost believe it was actual footage from the real battle….
Also, don’t you just love the irony of Mel’s character being this savage fighter with a tomahawk and sweet pony tail that he adopted from the Native Americans that he helped slaughter. How nice of him to carry on their legacy.