Fantasy Flicks: The Xpendable Ones: Urban Warfare
It has been far too long since I have taken the time to sit down and write another chapter in my ongoing Xpendable Ones series.
Let me begin much like I did last time by stating the obvious. The Xpendable Ones is a blatant ripoff of The Expendables series of movies. In this completely fictional series, I utilize actors who have not been cast in any of the movies in the Sylvester Stallone franchise.
In the original The Xpendable Ones, the action went down in the South American country of Val Verde. In the follow up, The Xpendable Ones: Prisoners of Warr, The Xpendable Ones battled the forces of Warren “Warr” Bardoux in the Eastern European country of Kreblakistan.
This time around the action will hit much closer to home as The Xpendable Ones battle a violent gang trafficking drugs in the city of New Orleans… it is time for The Xpendable Ones: Urban Warfare.
- Carl Weathers as Fred James – Weathers reprises his role from the first two Xpendable Ones movies as the leader of this group of elite soldier.
- Michael Dudikoff as Ray Easter – Dudikoff is also back for another round of Xpendable Ones action.
- Kane Kosugi as Hiro Saki – After realizing he was wrong in blaming the Xpendable Ones for his father’s death, Hiro Saki joins the team in the third installment.
- Yaphet Kotto as Walter James – Fred’s older brother, Walter is a retired New Orleans police officer.
- Cynthia Rothrock as Della Wilmington – Wilmington was Walter’s rookie partner on the police force the year before he called it quits. Walter remains a father figure in her life. Wilmington is still on the job but is becoming increasingly frustrated with the rise in crime in her fair city.
- Kris Van Damme as Jacques Cartier – The new criminal on the block, Jacques is one smug gangster, who through violence and cunning has taken over all of the illegal goings on in New Orleans.
- Bianca Bree as Juliet Cartier – The younger sister of Jacques, she is as sick and twisted as she is beautiful. She takes pleasure in the pain of others.
- Michel Qissi as Spike – One of Jacques’ personal bodyguards who is never far from his boss.
- Abdel Qissi as Abby – The second of Jacques’ ubiquitous bodyguards, making Jacques virtually untouchable.
- Billy Dee Williams as Judge Ernest Lofton – An old friend of Walter James, who we eventually learn is now on Jacques Cartier’s payroll after he dismissed charges against Jacques that would have put him away for years and shut down his evil empire.
Fred, Ray and Hiro of The Xpendable Ones are taking a much needed rest in New Orleans. While they are there celebrating the 75th birthday of Fred’s brother, the walk down memory lane turns into a discussion about the problems the city has been having. After getting an earful from Walter and Detective Wilmington about the nefarious Jacques Cartier and his growing power in the city, the trio of Xpendable Ones start talking about extending their stay… that’s when an old friend of Walter shows up, Judge Ernest Lofton. Lofton over hears the Xpendable Ones talking about taking down Cartier and he quickly interjects that no good will come of them taking the law into their own hands and they need to let the system do its thing, that’s when Fred puts him on the spot… “Did I hear you threw out the charges against this Cartier scum bag who is ruining this town?” Lofton defends his decision saying there was a key piece of evidence that was determined to be inadmissible and he had no choice, but he was confident the police force would be able to bring Cartier to justice, they just needed time.
Later as he is driving home, Lofton makes a phone call to none other than Jacques Cartier! He warns Cartier that there are three men staying at Walter James’ house who could cause Cartier a lot of trouble. Cartier is annoyed at first, Lofton had interrupted our villain as he was entertaining some ladies… but when he hears the news, he thanks the judge for the call and has Spike get a message to his sister to meet him in his office in an hour.
Jacques tells Juliet to get some of the boys to do a drive by on the James house… they do, but instead of killing The Xpendable Ones, a young teenage neighbor of Walter James is killed… The Xpendable Ones take this as a declaration of war and then the action really begins!
The finale is where this movie will really shine with a 5 on 5 battle, the most notable of which will pit the martial arts skills of Jacques Cartier against those of Hiro Saki! Do you know what this means action fans? It means it is a 2nd Generation Van Damme/Kosugi battle! Not since Black Eagle has a Van Dammes and a Kosugi fought it out. While that is happening there will be a huge brawl with Fred and Ray against Spike and Abby! And the ladies throw down too when Della and Juliet go at it! You’ll also get an interrogation of sorts when Walter confronts his old friend Judge Ernie and finds out why he sold everyone out and then breaks his honor’s jaw!
The movie ends with the Cartiers being arrested, Jacques as smug as ever even after defeat, says The Xpendable Ones don’t know who they are messing with and that they haven’t seen the last of him. And something tells me he’s right.
There is also a tease that Della will join The Xpendable Ones and there will be some cameos of some of the past Xpendable One stars like Mark Dacascos and Casper Van Dien.