Movie Kumite: Blast vs. Crackerjack
Some would say this is the most wonderful time of the year. And if the holiday season does not make you think about Die Hard then I’m not sure you can call yourself an action fan.
But Christmas is not the only thing that triggers memories of Die Hard in an action fan’s head. The countless movies that have borrowed the Die Hard formula will have the same effect.
In this special Movie Kumite holiday edition, two Die Hard clones will battle it out in our cinematic slugfest! In one corner we have Blast starring Eddie Griffin. Blast could be alternately titled, Die Hard on an Oil Rig. On the opposite side we have Crackerjack starring Thomas Ian Griffith. Crackerjack could be alternately titled Die Hard at a Ski Lodge.
DIE HARD PERCENTAGE
While both of our competitors have taken a page or two from Die Hard, which contains a higher level of Die Hard?
In Crackerjack, Thomas Ian Griffith plays Jack Wild, he’s a cop who after the death of his wife and kids desperately needs a break. So Jack’s brother convinces Jack to come along with him, his wife and their newborn baby for a weekend at a mountain resort. Jack Wild is a cop, John McClane is a cop. That gives Crackerjack the edge since Eddie Griffin’s character, who is former military, a former firefighter and a current tugboat captain, was never a cop.
However Blast was penned by Steven E. De Souza, the same Steven E. De Souza that wrote the screenplays for the first two Die Hard films. That basically makes Blast a blood relative of Die Hard. And when you throw in the fact that the events of Blast take place on Christmas Eve there’s no way you can’t give this round to Blast!
BLAST – 1 CRACKERJACK – 0
Eddie Griffin is primarily known as a comedic actor and while he has been able to transition into action roles, they almost always turn out to be action comedies because of Griffin’s personality and sense of humor. This isn’t a bad thing… but imagine you are in some sort of precarious action movie scenario, would you want a funny man coming to your aid or would you feel more comfortable with someone who comes across as a real badass.
Personally I’d want the badass. I know I can crack jokes but I can’t necessarily crack skulls, so I’d want someone who could. And Thomas Ian Griffith comes across as a guy who could do some damage and as a real action hero.
The round goes to Crackerjack and The Notorious T.I.G.
BLAST – 1 CRACKERJACK – 1
Vinnie Jones plays the leader of the terrorist group in Blast. Jones is a pretty intense individual and I could see where getting on his bad side could be harmful to a person’s health. On the flip side, you have Christopher Plummer who is the villainous mastermind in Crackerjack. They try to get Plummer’s character to have that Hans Gruber kind of vibe. And while I think Plummer did an admirable job with the part, it was far from his best work.
I’m going to go with a seemingly legit crazy Vinnie Jones over a poor man’s Hans Gruber and give Blast another point in the competition.
BLAST – 2 CRACKERJACK – 1
This category is always a tough one and quite possibly the most subjective. One man’s 10 is another man’s 1.
Personally I’d give this round to Blast solely on the fact that Nadine Velazquez is in it. That is not a slight on her fellow Blast co-star, Vivica A. Fox, or Crackerjack’s Nastassja Kinski. But in my opinion Nadine is the hottest actress in the two movies competing in our Movie Kumite.
But the ladies I mentioned are not the only ladies in these films. Prior to the terrorist attack at the mountain resort, Jack Wild is out on his balcony enjoying a drink, some night air and the view of a newlywed couple staying in the room directly across from his getting it on. Jack and the audience get an eyeful of Saskatchewan’s own Melody Stark in her one and only movie role.
While her willingness to do nudity did not further the acting career of Melody Stark, it does tie things up. Skin for the win!
BLAST – 2 CRACKERJACK – 2
It is time to call in the critcs as we consult two of the most respected movie related web sites on the World Wide Web, the Internet Movie Database and Rotten Tomatoes.
Blast has a 4.8 rating on IMDB besting Crackerjack’s 4.3 rating.
Crackerjack has a 33% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes surpassing Blast’s 25% approval rating.
The critics split the vote and the tie remains.
BLAST – 3 CRACKERJACK – 3
THE SUPPORTING CAST
In sports, wins and losses are often determined by how deep a team’s roster is and it is talent depth that will determine who wins and loses this almost “too close to call” edition of the Movie Kumite.
I’ve already covered all the major players in Crackerjack, but did I mention Blast has Breckin Meyer in a pretty significant role. Meyer’s character ends up becoming the sidekick to Eddie Griffin’s character Dix. Blast also has the one and only Tiny Lister (he’ll always be Zeus to me) and from out of left field, Shaggy!
Blast has the deeper roster and that’s exactly what you need when the competition comes down to the wire. Crackerjack just couldn’t keep up and Blast gets the win!
FINAL SCORE: BLAST – 4 CRACKERJACK – 3