Damsels: Monica Bellucci – Shoot ‘Em Up
Monica Bellucci may be no “spring chicken” but she continues to be one of the most gorgeous women living on this big blue planet of ours. She was most recently the oldest and one of the sexiest Bond Girls in the film Spectre, and she was one of the many excellent things that I love about the 2001 film Brotherhood of the Wolf. Her luscious lips and bodacious tits have entertained audiences around the world, in both English language films and in her native Italian, but one of her most under appreciated roles has to have been in the Clive Owen actioner Shoot ‘Em Up.
Shoot ‘Em Up is as close to a live action comic book as it gets. Okay, I take that back. Sin City and that really shitty Sam Jackson movie where he dresses like a Nazi are probably closer but in terms of content Shoot ‘Em Up tells the story of a hero with very little backstory and a whole lot of bullets.
Clive’s character is the appropriately named “Smith”. It’s appropriate because we’re never led to believe that is his real name nor that he’s just an average guy. He appears almost from the beginning with a pair of pistols in his hands and a pocket full of carrots. To be honest, the Clive Owen/Paul Giamatti relationship is as close to Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd as it gets. But somehow, it works perfectly. So where does Monica come in, you ask? Well, she just so happens to be a “lady of the night” with a very special skill; lactation. After “Smith” saves an infant from being killed he is in desperate need of someone to feed and take care of the baby. Why he didn’t go to CVS to get some formula we’ll never know. But the interaction with Bellucci leads us to this scene…
..so you know he doesn’t regret taking a baby into a whorehouse to nurse from the breast of a prostitute. Bellucci and Smith quickly become a pair and they dodge bullets for the rest of the film while dragging along that little bundle of joy. The end of the film leads you to believe that Bellucci is just working a normal job in an ice cream shop but there’s no way that a woman of that quality would work in a candy shop without a line of teenagers around the block.