Bullet Points: Black Dynamite
Michael Jai White and the cats who made Black Dynamite have done something that needed to be done; they made a film that features the ultimate alpha male. He kicks ass, has crazy astrological cartoon sex, and wears the kinds of clothes that would make Shaft crap in his pants. So grab a delicious bottle of Anaconda Malt Liquor (or don’t) and prepare for one of the most out of sight movies since 1978.
Synopsis: When Black Dynamite’s (Michael Jai White) only brother is killed on the streets, he makes it his mission to clean the streets of the smack that has been killing his people and keeping them from rising above the oppressiveness of The Man.
- Most Quotable Movie of All Time: It’s possible that Black Dynamite has more good lines in it than any other movie ever made. Tarantino has made a career out of writing clever shit and Black Dynamite makes him look like some pussy blog writer.
- Never Interrupt his Kung Fu: Martial artists have always had unique training methods. Shaolin Monks have been doing crazy shit for hundreds of years, and I’ve seen some pretty wild stuff from those dudes over in Okinawa, but nobody can match up to Black Dynamite and his mauling of the helpless guys he invites to his house everyday.
- Origin: To no one’s surprise, Black Dynamite is a Vietnam Vet and a former CIA Operative. It sounds more like a Steven Seagal movie than a Michael Jai White flick.
- Black Silk Underwear: Ever since I saw Double Impact with JCVD I’ve wanted to cover myself in silk. Apparently, wearing silk is also something that Black Dynamite’s pal Cream Corn covets. He tells the ladies, “Stick with me baby, I’ll have you fartin’ through silk.”
- Exploding Car: As if you had to ask, there is absolutely an exploding car in Black Dynamite. It must have been a magic car because it changed from a red sports car into some p.o.s. just before the explosion. The film is filled with charming scenes like this. The boom mic can be seen several times, and the Vietnam flashbacks look eerily similar to some other war films I’ve seen.
- World’s Greatest Detective: For years we’ve been told that Batman is the world’s greatest detective. Now I can confidently call bullshit because the route that Black Dynamite takes to finding out about the “malt liquor conspiracy” is so wild that you’ll probably have to rewind it just to figure it out. Genius…
- You Diabolical Dick Shrinking…: Villainous plots don’t get much more devious than spreading drugs throughout orphanages…oh wait, what about a delicious beverage that shrinks a man’s privates to baby size?!?!
- Dynamite Action: Black Dynamite and his crew put together a couple of ass-kicking montages so severe that the reverberations are felt at the highest levels of The Man. In fact, Black Dynamite faces off against Kung Fu drug makers, former partners, and the First Lady of the United States. With such a diverse group of enemies, who needs friends?
The Verdict: Black Dynamite is hilarious and amazing in every way. It’s under 90 minutes, which is perfect for the type of movie that it is. It never slows down and I was hooked pretty much from the amazing introduction of our hero. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty that this movie is well worth your time. Check it out you jive turkeys!