Bullet Points: The Horde
It wasn’t until the past few years that I became familiar with the acting work of Paul Logan. I have seen Logan as a supporting playing in movies like Re-Generator, Sniper: Special Ops and Crash Landing.
Up until my viewing of 2016’s The Horde, I had never seen Logan in a leading man role nor have I seen a movie that was written by Logan. Part of that is because I still haven’t seen Logan’s starring role in Ballistica (a fact that eats away at me a little every time I think about it) and the other part is because The Horde would be Logan’s first foray into the world of screenwriting.
For his first script, Logan played it safe. He didn’t go out and try to reinvent the wheel, instead he played by the rules of two of the most beloved movie genres in the world, action and horror.
- Action Movie Rule #86 – Action heroes with military backgrounds have to be former Navy SEALS or Army Special Forces: Ever notice how no action hero with a military background wasn’t the cook or the guy cleaning out the latrines, they are always the best of the best. The Horde follows this rule as Paul Logan’s character John Crenshaw is a former Navy SEAL. Crenshaw finds himself chaperoning a group of photography students along with his photography teaching girlfriend Selina Duboix on a nature photography field trip in the woods. But unfortunately for John and company they will encounter a band of cannibalistic mutated inbreeders led by a convicted murderer who escaped in the woods named Cylus Atkinson (played by Costas Mandylor of Stealth Fighter fame).
- Horror Movie Rule #13 – There has to be at least one character in the movie you can’t wait to die: This was is also known as the Shelly Rule, a rule named after Larry Zerner’s character Shelly in Friday the 13th Part III. In The Horde that character is Riley. Riley is a spoiled rich kid, who talks down to everyone else around him. And when the entitled prick isn’t talking down to people, he is telling people how rich his daddy is. But even if he wasn’t a stuck up snob, the mere look that is on his face the entire time is reason enough to want to see bad things happen to him. He’s got the type of face that you just want to punch repeatedly. I’m not sure if it is the dude’s every day face or if he was purposely making that face for this movie.
- Action Movie Rule #21 – An action hero walks into a bar and bar room brawl breaks out: If at any point in your movie, your action hero enters an establishment where adult beverages are being served it is mandatory that somebody test the hero. And that test should lead to a knock down, drag out, bar fight. The Horde provided us with such a scene when Team Nature Photography stops at a roadhouse before they arrive at their camping destination. Some of the local yokels try to come on to Selina and the two female students on the trip Sheila and Rachel. This does not sit well with our former Navy SEAL and the students get to see Crenshaw do his thing.
- Horror Movie Rule #69: The sexually active teenagers always die while the virgins always live: Chris and Sheila, two of the students on this nature photography adventure, are more excited about doing it in the woods than they are the task at hand. Another of the students, Rachel, shares with her Selina that she is a virgin. I can only assume that Rachel offered this information up to her photography teacher because on the first day of class Selina sat in a chair backwards to let the students know she wasn’t the usual stuffy professor but someone they could rap with. But that is conjecture… what is not conjecture is the fact that in a horror movie, the fornicators are punished for their premarital sex and that is why Chris and Sheila end up victims of The Horde and Rachel is still alive and kicking when the final credits roll.
The Horde was a solid addition to the ever growing action/horror category of movies. By adding the horror elements, action heroes have a whole new batch of villains to battle, whether it be zombies or in the case of The Horde, mutated inbred cannibals.
Paul Logan walked the walk and talked the talk of an action hero in The Horde. I couldn’t help but think of Rambo when Crenshaw was taking out evil doers with his bow and arrow. The well seasoned Costas Mandylor was a great fit as the crooked leader of The Horde and the Logan/Mandylor final battle was something I was looking forward to as the movie progressed.
If you were looking forward to some bonus Bullet Points as this review progressed, you are in luck…
- Familiar Faces: Don “The Dragon” Wilson (Cyber Tracker) has a cameo appearance in the movie playing a former soldier who has a word of warning for Crenshaw… Vernon Wells (Commando) plays Earl, one of the more sadistic members of The Horde. Earl likes to cut up people with a circular saw… The hulking Nils Allen Stewart (Bloodsport 2) plays Chains, another of the foes that Crenshaw has to contend with.
- ABSolutely: For fans of Paul Logan’s abs, the man does not make you wait long. Logan’s first appearance in the movie features him wearing nothing but a towel and showing off his sculpted abdominal region. This was in no way done to show off the hard work and sacrifice it takes to have abs like that and was clearly essential to the plot.
- Favorite Quote: “I love the great outdoors.” It reminded me of how much I love the 1988 film The Great Outdoors starring Dan Aykroyd and the late John Candy.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Paul Logan’s romantic side, then this is the movie for you.