Brainwaves: Action Figure Wish List
If a famous poem were to be believed, there was a time in human history where children had visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. To this day I’m still not entirely sure what a sugar plum is and I never once in all my years on this planet had a dream involving one. As a youngster, all snug in my bed, I had dreams of action figures dancing in my head. First it was Superman and Spider-Man. Then it became Darth Vader and Han Solo. Snake Eyes and Destro would follow. Eventually Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and The British Bulldogs would dominate my Christmas dreams.
Fast forward decades later and the kid in me still wants action figures of his favorite characters… unfortunately many of the figures I’d like to see don’t currently exist and while they will more than likely never exist, you can’t stop a man from dreaming. So I’m going to dedicate this edition of Brainwaves to my Action Figure Wish List…
- Paul Kersey: If there is one thing I’d love to see more than Death Wish themed Legos (actually there is no toy I’d love to see more than Death Wish themed Legos), it would be Death Wish action figures. I actually tweeted Chris DePetrillo, the head of marketing for the Figures Toy Company, asking if there was any chance the world would one day see Charles Bronson’s most famous character in action figure form. While Chris didn’t commit to this happening, he did offer up a fantastic suggestion that got my wheels turning. Chris suggested a Kersey 5 Pack, with a different Kersey figure from each of the movies from the Death Wish franchise. Original Death Wish Kersey would come with a sock full of quarters and the gun that was given to him by Ames Jainchill. Death Wish 2 Kersey would be in his “killing muggers gear” including the stocking cap and a gun of course. Death Wish 2 would also lend itself to a great variant with Kersey disguised as a doctor. The Death Wish 3 Kersey would be clad in a leather jacket and come with Wildey Magnum and rocket launcher accessories. Death Wish 4 Kersey would come with the rifle Kersey used to pick off drug dealers at the oil field. Last but not least, Death Wish V Kersey would come with a soccer ball accessory because that is the greatest thing about that movie.
- Remo Williams: While doing my research for my 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Remo Williams post, I discovered that there were at least preliminary plans to actually make Remo Williams action figures back in the day. Unfortunately Remo never became a merchandising machine or a movie franchise, but that’s not going to stop me from dreaming about Remo Williams: The Action Figure Series Begins… The first set would feature six figures. Remo Williams (obviously), the “Master of Sinanju” Chiun would be a must, then there’d be Harold Smith because the world has gone far too long without Wilford Brimley in action figure form. Kate Mulgrew’s Maj. Rayner Fleming, Patrick Kilpatrick’s diamond toothed Stone and J.A. Preston’s Conn MacCleary would round out series one. Before a series two could be produced with George Grove, General Watson, Jim Wilson and Remo in Army fatigues the line would be discontinued. Yes, not only am I dreaming of the creation of this action figure series, I’m also dreaming of its untimely demise.
- Action Jackson: There have been Apollo Creed figures over the years, but the one Carl Weathers themed action figure I really want is Action Jackson! What better character to be an ACTION figure than a guy named ACTION!?!? These figures would need some serious points of articulation, because Jericho Jackson is a man of action! Joining Action Jackson in the first series would be the evil and power hungry Peter Dellaplane (Craig T. Nelson), Sydney Ash (Vanity), Sydney’s bodyguard Edd, Tony Moretti (Robert Davi) and last and certainly not least Kid Sable because the world has gone far too long without Chino “Fats” Williams in action figure form. The second series would feature Jackson in his cop suit and his co-workers including Captain Armbruster (Bill Duke). The third series would feature Dellaplane’s henchmen, including the legendary Al Leong.
- Iron Eagle: If I were to find a Doug Masters figure under my tree this year, I would probably figuratively shit myself. Which is funny because if I were flying with Doug Masters or Chappy Sinclair, I would probably literally shit myself. Iron Eagle is an amazing product of the 1980’s and easily one of my all-time favorite movies. And there’d be no better way to make up for the years of neglect this fine film has endured then to produce a line of Iron Eagle action figures.This would not need to be a huge series with multiple waves as I have suggested with my other wishes. I will gladly take a two pack with Doug Masters in his classic Cessna t-shirt and blue jeans and Chappy Freakin’ Sinclair! If you wanted to throw a limited edition three pack with Doug, Chappy and Doug’s dad in their flight suits that’s cool because Tim Thomerson could use a little action figure love too.
For those of you still reading my ramblings, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays! I’d also like to thank everyone that has supported the site in 2016 and I hope your support continues as we move into 2017 and what should be our biggest and best year yet.