Bullet Points: Rampage: President Down
I’ve seen a lot of movies over the years but it is rare for me to watch one that makes me sick to my stomach. Rampage: President Down was the Two Girls, One Cup of the action genre. Anyone curious or brave enough to sit through it will have no reason or desire to watch it again. To be perfectly honest, my description of this movie to a coworker after watching it is the most accurate review that I could ever give. I cursed a lot, I threatened many of the actors involved, and I thanked the Almighty that this was the final film of director Uwe Boll’s career. Siskel and Ebert would have probably puked in their mouths if they had seen this pile of trash.
Synopsis: The third and hopefully final film in the Rampage trilogy sees the thought to-be-dead Bill Williamson come out of hiding to assassinate the three most powerful people in the American Government. What follows is about 90 minutes of a guy sulking around in a hole in the ground talking all loony about the government and texting his girlfriend. It’s only a matter of time before the Feds find him and initiate a plan of attack that would rival the likes of Wile E. Coyote and Elmer Fudd.
- The Beginning: Starting the film off with an unseen assassination of the President, Vice President, and Secretary of State is a very bold move. Or more likely, it was a move brought on by the small budget. It’s like starting the next Spider-Man movie with him doing a monologue about how crazy it is that he just saved the city from Carnage and Venom. Real dumb.
- His hole: Bill Williamson has been hiding out in a hole somewhere. He somehow succeeded in assassinating his targets and then escaping into a random forest that also has Wi-Fi. He’s just lucky that no one ever tracked him based on his online activity…cause there’s definitely not Federal agencies tracking every single time my Aunt posts a photo of her ugly daughter’s volleyball game.
- Feelin’ the Bern: Bill Williamson is like the militant wing of the Bernie Sanders movement. And by that I mean he’s even more of a complete idiot than that hypocrite Senator from Vermont. Bernie hasn’t had a real job since 1980, when he started getting paid by the government, but even Bill Williamson once worked as a mechanic. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to pound his face in, because I definitely would.
- Momma’s Boy: I thought he was some hippie crybaby whining about everything like there is one individual that can be blamed for every problem in the world but it turns out he’s just a sissy momma’s boy. It makes sense because he’s only about 5’6″ and I can imagine him getting his ass kicked in his Canadian high school by all the sixth graders.
- I hate you: The film spends most of its time trying to get the viewer to empathize with this lunatic. We see his shit relationship with his lady friend and his newborn son which he promptly abandons. Then he murders about 30 cops and Federal agents. Uwe Boll couldn’t have retired fast enough after this piece of shit.
- The Feds: After the assassination of the three most powerful politicians in America, the FBI sets two young and not so smart agents on the case to find the man (or woman) who committed the crime. Oh, they also have one guy in charge of all their tech needs. I can turn it to any channel on TV and find some sort of CSI or NCIS but this movie couldn’t give us more than 3 people on the case?
- The Finale: The Feds find Bill using some made up program and a drone flyover. Then they walk stupidly into a trap set by Bill without ever thinking to use that same drone to figure out where he may be hiding. Maybe they thought they just had too many guys or something but they certainly had no plan other than to wander through the woods in the hopes that they would surprise Bill taking a dump behind a tree or something. It really does challenge the ignorance of the audience and if you have any self respect you’ll never watch this film after reading this review. I hated every moment of the final showdown between Williamson and the law enforcement officers. Whether it was Uwe Boll or Brenden Fletcher who came up with the majority of this crap, I’d be more than happy to fight either one of them. I’ve watched an unbelievable amount of action movies and seen countless people get killed on screen but this movie takes pleasure in murdering police officers and that pisses me off.
Let me reiterate my main point: This movie is garbage and should not be watched.