Bullet Points: Kill’em All
There may be no better way to spend a Monday night than to lounge back in my comfy chair with a few beverages on standby while I take in the newest Jean Claude Van Damme movie. Chances are, with a name like “Kill’ em All“, there will be plenty of random people for JCVD to kill and I’ll get the satisfaction of seeing at least one of them roundhouse kicked through a window of some kind. As he’s gotten older, the edits have gotten a bit shorter and we’re not given the full kick like we used to see in classics like Lionheart and Bloodsport but even in his older age Van Damme can still throw a mean roundhouse.
Synopsis: After a massive shootout, a mysterious stranger (Van Damme) arrives at a local hospital on the brink of death. Then, a foreign gang brazenly comes to the hospital to hunt him down. His nurse, the sole surviving witness to the follow-up shootout, must face an FBI interrogation that unlocks a plot of international intrigue and revenge. With enough twists and turns, KILL’EM ALL will keep you guessing until the final bullet is fired.
- Let Us Begin: I had very little information going into this movie. I didn’t even watch the trailer! I really don’t need to see a trailer for a JCVD movie to want to watch it these days. I grew up idolizing the man as both a martial artist and an actor and will forever be a fan of his so it goes without saying that I’m bound and determined to see everything that he puts out. The title for this film, however, made me want to watch it even more. It pretty much guarantees that the film won’t be light on the violence, and what action fan could turn that down?
- Supporting Cast: This film has a supporting cast that would rival most any movie in the action genre. We have Jean Claude as our lead but he’s followed by Autumn Reeser, Peter Stormare, Maria Conchita Alonso, Daniel Bernhardt, and Kris Van Damme. It would be more than enough for many people to get on board but if you see who the characters are playing then you can bet that you’re bound to see Van Damme and both Bernhardt and KVD faceoff at some point.
- The Usual Suspects: I found the style of movie to be very similar to the 1995 film The Usual Suspects. The movie bounces around from the present time F.B.I. interrogation of Autumn Reeser’s character to the flashbacks of what had happened in the hours leading up to it. It included backstories on some of the characters, and some vignettes that would make WWE fans smile from ear to ear. The villainous henchmen all got their own brief montages that reminded me a lot of the one’s in Kill Bill.
- Put Your Dukes Up: If you thought that this movie would end without a few of the guys and gals throwing down then you’re dumber than you look (sorry). We get the opportunity to see my man JCVD mix it up with a number of expendable henchmen who apparently had death wishes. First off, the fight with his son Kris Van Damme should have been longer! KVD vs. JCVD needed more of a spectacle fight but we may have to wait to finally see that one get its proper due. Van Damme also got to duke it out with BPA favorite Daniel Bernhardt. We’ve mentioned Bernhardt several times recently, for movies that were utter trash, and for films that kicked a whole lot of ass. He gets precious few minutes in Kill’em All to portray the killer that he was supposed to be but, damn it if he didn’t look good doing it!
- Interrogation Methods: I don’t know where Peter Stormare and Maria Conchita Alonso got their techniques for interrogating the only survivor of a mass casualty catastrophe, but they seemed to be WAY out of line for most of it.
- Well, Hello There: I would feel bad if I didn’t at least mention the absolutely gorgeous Mila Kaladjurdjevic. Don’t ask me how to pronounce her name but I’m happy to learn it if it means more of her on my TV screen. You would do well to Google her at your earliest convenience.
Try to stay alive long enough to check out these bonus Bullet Points:
- Kill’em All was directed by first time director Peter Malota. You may remember Peter from his work in other Van Damme classics like Double Impact (The henchman with the spurs) and The Quest (The Spanish fighter).
- The police response in this movie is embarrassingly bad. They even mention it in the movie because it’s nearly impossible for anyone watching this to not start to wonder why an army of cops hasn’t shown up yet when gunshots ring out at a hospital.
- Did I mention how insanely hot Mila Kaladjurdjevic looked?
The Verdict: There is certainly enough in Kill’em All for any fan of Jean Claude Van Damme to get their fix. There are gun battles, people getting their necks broken, and a whole host of roundhouse kicks that did the trick for me. I didn’t go crazy for the way that the film kept jumping from the interrogation to the action but it all makes sense in the end. Peter Stormare and Maria Conchita Alonso make a random-as-hell pair as two F.B.I. investigators but what kind of person would I be if I said I wasn’t happy to see them? It should come as no surprise to you but Kill’em All is definitely worth a look.