Bullet Points: Check Point
This weekend is WrestleMania and anyone who is familiar with the graps knows that the WWE do their annual Hall of Fame inductions to kickoff the weekend of festivities. This year’s biggest induction has to be former WCW/WWE Champion Bill Goldberg. He won a lot of matches and had a cool entrance but if you ask Chris the Brain he’ll probably tell you he was garbage. I always liked him when he was used properly; squashing jobbers and jackknifing luchadores into the ground.
Synopsis: The homeless situation in Port City, North Carolina is getting bad enough that Roy (Kenny Johnson) finds himself right in the middle of a homegrown terrorism situation. Roy, the former Marine, ends up leading the charge against the totally un-American terrorists who have the most ridiculous plot I’ve seen in quite a while.
- Kick his ass: The movie actually opens with Kenny Johnson and a stuntman brawling in a tight space. I had no idea why they were fighting or why I should care about the fight but it was pretty brutal and got me hyped for some serious action.
- ‘Merican radio: The one thing that stood out to me the most during the first half of the movie was the music. It was almost like they went out of their way to play some popular songs loudly over cuts of Kenny Johnson walking around town. Now that I think of it, 25% of the movie is Kenny Johnson just walking about in Port City digging through trashcans. I get it, he’s homeless.
- Allow me to introduce you to: It felt like the first third of the movie was just introductions to new characters. The story didn’t quite pick up till about halfway through the flick and by then I was just waiting for the dozen or so characters that I had already met to faceoff in some sort of battle.
- Fred and William: The highlight of the movie was the relationship between the two geezers played by Fred Williamson and William Forsythe. I’ve loved Forsythe’s work since the early 80’s and Fred Williamson has one of the most commanding presences on screen that you’ll find. He could read the vegan menu at a Panera and still make it sound tough. The two men are given a good amount of time to develop the friendship between the two but I didn’t feel like it had the payoff that it deserved.
- Your evil plans: By the time that the plot worked itself out and we realize who is leading this thing I was just looking for some more fight scenes like the one in the opening. Not that exact scene, per se, but more like it. The folks who are leading this anti-government ordeal are either completely stupid or just unrealistic to think that they can succeed. It’s a bit sad either way.
- Chick fights and exploding sheds: The movie breaks down into a schmozz and turns into a Mel Gibson wet dream. We see people diving on grenades, rushing to hold up a flagpole before Old Glory hits the ground, and military veterans team up to take out the bad guys with their skills learned serving their country. This movie could have been funded by the recruitment center downtown and I wouldn’t have been surprised. The finale sees a bunch of nameless bad guys with bazookas firing wildly at flagpoles and small sheds instead of helicopters but we’re at least given a pair of lady fights for all you perverts.
- Task Force America: U S A!
Saving the soul of our great country can make a man parched. Allow me to quench your patriotic thirst with a few Bonus Bullet Points:
- Tyler Mane and Kane Hodder both have roles in this movie. You may (or may not) recognize them as Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees.
- TVNN is the worst news network in history. They show some pretty gruesome shit over the air.
- The prison in Port City could use a fresh coat of paint.
- Did I really just watch the same fight scene twice?
- I haven’t seen Goldberg mess someone up that bad since that time he kicked Bret Hart in the head and ended his career.
The Verdict: Check Point was a true mixed bag. The bag was probably 70-30 on the bad end but at least it did have some good stuff. Kenny Johnson did a decent job as the lead and I did like the Fred Williamson/William Forsythe stuff. They were far and away the most charismatic of the bunch. Ricky Harris was good while he was on screen even though he mostly popped in and delivered the same two lines over and over. The bad was mostly due to the writing and the overall delivery of the story. It was pretty damned stupid. It seemed like it was written by someone with no knowledge of modern technology. No one bothers to review terrorist footage to find clues as their whereabouts and the good guys just take the law into their own hands. Goldberg sweats more than any man should and the music was distracting for a good part of it. I’d like to recommend it but you’re better off watching something starring Nic Cage.