Bullet Points: 100 Acres of Hell

Gene Snisky (aka Gene Snitsky) had a good run in the WWE. You probably remember him from his feud with Kane. If you don’t watch wrestling, that’s cool, because Gene is now retired, and focusing on acting. Not only does Gene act, but he also helped write the screenplay for 100 Acres of Hell. I had the pleasure of receiving an early screener, and I’m pleased to give Gene’s new action horror film the Bulletproof Action BULLET POINTS treatment. 

• This is a story all about: Gene Snisky plays Buck Severs, a retired pro wrestler struggling with demons from his past. His old pals call him up to go on a BROS TRIP. Buck saddles up and meets his BROS, and they go and hang out in the woods. Unfortunately, there’s also a big bad killer lurking in the trees, hunting for fresh meat. It is Buck Severs vs Jeb Tucker. Who will win the epic Main Event at the Battle of Foggy Creek Wildlife Preserve?
• Awesome Intro: One of my favorite parts of the film is the opening scene. You don’t realize it at first, but it is set 40-plus-years ago. It sets up the legend of Jeb Tucker. It involves a Park Ranger and his wife. It combines both humor and horror, so you don’t know exactly what kind of film you are going to see. Horror fans should be excited to see what else the film brings. 

• Buck Severs: What a cool as hell name! I would call him Buck ‘The Fall Guy” Severs. However, I wouldn’t want him to be a jobber.  He talks about Mania 23 and 27. He wears a badass beanie. He’s a tough sumbitch. Pay attention, he sees dead people. At least a couple of them. A woman and a little girl. I’m guessing it is his wife and daughter? Buck has some serious issues. It doesn’t take a genius to diagnose Buck with a severe case of PTSD. Now remind me again, whose bright idea was it to take Buck camping in the woods?
• The BROS: Buck’s friends are assholes. There’s no other word to describe them. Each has a different level of assholeness. I wouldn’t call them heels, but I’m not quite sure who the face of the group is. In all honestly, I think they just want to get laid. At least Keev does. He talks about Bazonkas, (His word not mine) the Jailbait Express when referring to the car pulling up to his camp site and you can tell he loves groupies, hookers and blow. He doesn’t hesitate to use the Buck Severs card to hook up with hot babes. Is he successful? You must watch the film to see. 
• Old Merl: I would be doing you an injustice if I didn’t tell you about Old Merl and Meat Dogs. The BROS stop at a convenience store to ask for directions and that’s where they find Old Merl working the counter. You know those gas station hot dogs? The ones that taste so damn yummy to your tummy, but you’re scared to death to eat it, because you have no clue what is really inside the dog? Well, Merl tells it best:  Beef is cow, but meat might not be cow. Think about that. I bet you are starting to think going full vegan isn’t such a bad idea. Old Merl is such a cool dude. I love how old school vibe horror films use cool geezers to warn you of what is to come. 

• The Party in the Woods: We need gore. We need victims. We need action. Let’s have a party with some random people. Yes! This will bring Jeb Tucker out from the shadows. The BROS invite some hotties to their camp. However, the ladies bring some dudes, but I guess that means more people for Jeb to kill? This is when the action kicks in. This is when we learn Jeb Tucker hates titties and poontang (Again his words not mine) Well, Jeb doesn’t say that, but some random guy says that to some babe to get her to undress. Like a wrestling announcer, I’m going to try and sell some of these kills with some signature calls. Some of the kills include: Beating Heart of Death, Wood Smash, Tree equals Dead and Stake not Steak to Your Dead Ass. The kills are tight. I think most of them are practical, but I did have a slight problem with the brightness. Turn your brightness up. It will help you see. I know most of the movie is set in the dark, but I couldn’t tell if the hot babe was naked or not, so I blame the brightness. 
• The Main Event: You know it must come down to Buck Severs vs Jeb Tucker. Hell, this could be bigger than Hulk vs Warrior at WrestleMania VI. Let’s get ready for a throwdown. What I like about this fight is Jeb is also played by a professional wrestler. Sam Anoai is Jeb and Sam is known mostly for his work as Samu. I think he even did some hardcore ECW action back in the day. My point, you are getting a well thought out final battle because of the knowledge from both parties. I doubt you will think the final battle is a screwjob? Or will you? Again, the darkness took a bit away from this epic battle. I loved watching them go at it, but don’t forget to turn the brightness up. 

• The Conclusion: I need your help. I need you to watch this movie. We need to talk about this movie on this site or Twitter. I would love to get Gene and his crew on a podcast with BPA. I have some questions for Director Hank Leigh Hump and the writers including Gene. Guys, the ending is a super duper head scratcher. What did you take from the ending? I can’t process the ending. It doesn’t add up. Perhaps, I overlooked a key moment? Watch this movie and help me out. 

It has been a pleasure bringing you this review. As usual, here are some BPA BONUS BULLET POINTS!

• The Kevin Smith Connection:  One of the actors, Ernest O’Donnell is Kevin’s real-life friend. Ernest also is a second unit director in 100 Acres of Hell. Ernest has had bit parts in Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, Cop Out and Red State. It proves my point: It is not what you know, but who you know. 
• 99 Acres: Just kidding. I have no clue how many acres of land this movie was filmed on. 
• Meat Dog:  I talked about this earlier, but 100 Acres of Hell is the movie for you if you’ve ever chowed down on a meat dog and lived to tell about it.