Bullet Points: Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger

1982’s Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger could be best described as a “kung fu soap opera” and for good reason… the movie is filled with as many startling revelations as it is fight scenes.

• The Bachelorette: We are introduced to our main hero Dragon (played convincingly by Dragon Lee of Golden Dragon, Silver Snake fame) as a late entry in a fighting tournament where the winner gets to marry Susan Evergreen, the daughter of the wealthy Lord Evergreen. This “fight for love” is an intriguing concept and sounds like the type of reality show that would be on the Bulletproof Action Network, if such a network existed, but I digress. Dragon is excited to win Susan’s hand in marriage, but before the wedding can take place, Dragon wants to get the blessing of his martial arts master/surrogate father (Dragon is an orphan). Dragon promises to return in three days for the wedding and we soon find out a lot can happen in three days…

• Like Sands Through The Hour Glass: The night after Dragon goes off to see his teacher, Susan is visited by a mysterious woman who drops some bombshells on Susan… first, that Lord Evergreen is not Susan’s real father. Then that Susan’s real father was murdered and last but not least that she is Susan’s sister. The mysterious woman (who never gets a name) then pleads with Susan to come with her… Susan refuses and tells her sister to go take a hike. Susan’s next visitors also want Susan to come with them… but they aren’t going to take no for an answer, because they are a bunch of ninjas from a sect run by Tiger Ho (Hwang Jang-lee). The ninjas kidnap Susan and take her to their master Tiger, who tells Susan that her real father (the former leader of the ninja sect) promised Tiger that he would be the one to marry his daughter. Susan takes the “biological didn’t bother” stance and as far as she is concerned Lord Evergreen is her father. Tiger So is not pleased.

• Fast Friends: Susan’s sister, who has disguised herself as a young boy for no apparent reason, figures out what has become of Susan and knows that in order to save her, she’ll have to make her way to Tiger Castle… but before her quest can begin she finds herself dealing with some of the random ninja attackers that at this point in the movie are starting to pop up anywhere and everywhere. Fortunately for her she gets some help from an unnamed guy who was played by Jack Lam, so for the purposes of this review he will be referred to as Jack since he’s another character that is never referred to by a name. After the skirmish, Jack decides to go with Susan’s unnamed sister to Tiger Castle… and that’s about the time they happen upon our hero Dragon moments after Dragon was in a fight with a transvestite at an outdoor restaurant. Dragon decides to join Susan’s unnamed sister (who is still pretending to be a boy) and Jack as they make their way through “ninja country”. The trio become fast friends… perhaps the fastest fast friends in the history of fast friends.

• Night Time is the Right Time: Our heroic trio find a place to crash for the night after a long day of walking the countryside and fighting ninjas. Their journey will continue in the morning, but for now they all pick a spot on the floor so they can get some sleep. It is at this moment that Dragon finds himself face to ass with Susan’s unnamed sister and he realizes she’s no “young boy” at all. Dragon then mentally undresses Susan’s unnamed sister in one of the more bizarre scenes in the movie… and that is saying something.

• Hold That Tiger: Over at Tiger Castle, Tiger So has added Lord Evergreen to his kidnapping victim list. When Lord Evergreen spills the beans that he witnessed Tiger So kill Susan’s father/former leader of the ninja sect, Tiger So reacts the way you’d expect the villain to and he goes ahead and kills Lord Evergreen. Susan is in a really tough spot now, the man she considered her father is dead and she’s the heir apparent to his fortune and Tiger So wants her and that fortune. A desperate Susan attempts to kill Tiger So, but when that doesn’t work she finds herself tied up and being tortured… and that’s about the time our three heroes finally make it to Tiger Castle!

Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger was directed by Godfrey Ho, a man many consider the Ed Wood of Hong Kong cinema and Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger certainly lived up to Ho’s Woodian reputation.

The plot holes were many, the character names were few… but despite these obvious flaws, I still found myself enjoying the film… even when I wasn’t entirely sure of what the hell was going on.

I am entirely sure that there are some Bonus Bullet Points ahead…

• AKA: The movie was also known as Secret Ninja.
• If You Ever: …wanted to see the leader of a ninja sect burn a porno mag with his mind, then Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger is the movie for you.
• Nice Tattoo: All the member of the ninja sect have a shuriken tattoo somewhere on their bodies.
• 6 Cheeks to the Wind: Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger has the distinction of having the most ass I believe I have ever seen in a Bruceploitation film. The two female characters bare their buns. Dragon Lee also gets in on the ass action when he is attacked by some ninjas as he is getting out from taking a dip in a pond.