Bullet Points: Renegade Ninjas

I remember a time when young Chad Cruise would wander around the video store for two hours just reading the backs of VHS tapes and trying to figure out what craziness might happen in them based on their covers. I may be wrong, but I don’t feel quite the same connection to cinema these days based on movie posters and you could probably put 10 different fake ones in front of me and I couldn’t tell the difference. They’re just not memorable like they used to be. It’s easy to be nostalgic when posters used to bring on so many emotions for a young kid who just couldn’t get enough samurai action. Renegade Ninjas is one of those movies that almost no one knows but I can’t seem to forget. Seeing the video on the shelf is as vivid a memory for me as my senior prom or the time I graduated from that one college. For me, though, Renegade Ninjas is a gift that keeps giving. Unlike that mountain of student loan debt….

Synopsis: Generel Sanada, seeking retribution for the murder of his father and a lost battle, both conceived by the Shogun, devises a series of brilliant plans to thwart the Shogun’s overwhelming strength.

• Spectacular Revenge: That is one way to describe the storyline of Renegade Ninjas. It’s a very simple story that follows Yukimura Sanada and his quest to take the head of Ieyasu Tokugawa, the Shogun. You don’t need to know your Japanese history to love a story like this. Sanada is often thought of as one of the most brilliant Japanese generals during this period and plenty of what happens in Renegade Ninjas is fact based….but not everything.
• Magic monkey men: One of the things you’ll find yourself wondering while watching RN is why the hell did they decide to make the character of Sarutobi Sasuke some wizard/monkey dude? We’re introduced to Sanada and his father early on and it’s clear that the elder Sanada has intentions on killing Ieyasu. Well, things don’t always turn out like you hoped and next thing we know young(er) Sanada is recruiting ninjas to take on the mission. Enter Sasuke. He rescues them in a unique way while totally looking like an extra from Planet of the Apes.

• The Crew: We spend a fair amount of time being introduced to the various characters who serve under Sanada as they put their lives on the line to kill the Shogun. While it may seem like a historical Ocean Eleven is about to happen, the real-life Sanada did have a band of ninjas called the Sanada Ten Braves who helped him in his quest. I think that would have been a sweet name for the film, myself.
• Yeah, dude: I love so many things about this movie. It’s like slipping on an old coat that you’ve had for 15 years and wondering why you ever stopped wearing it. Some of the action sequences lead nowhere but they all serve to tell us that General Sanada has a mind for strategy and wants badly to kill Ieyasu. They try a few different times to corner the Shogun to no avail. We even get to see Monkey-man Sasuke conjure up a tornado to help the cause at one point.

• Black Gold: One of the best scenes in the movie has to be when Sanada and his men ambush the Tokugawa encampment by pumping oil into their water source and lighting it on fire. That wouldn’t be that impressive but the camp had an abundance of gunpowder so we get to see some big booms. It is spectacular.

• Sanada Maru: The siege of Osaka Castle is a pretty big deal in Japanese history but it’s shoved into RN like it barely happened. Sanada and his men go to the castle to help the Toyotomi Clan against the Shogun and Sanada ends up putting an ass whooping on Ieyasu that was helped by giving the Shogun’s men roofies. The real siege and the defense by Sanada was much more epic but at least we get to see Sanada’s sweet red armor and the joy on his face as he spanks Tokugawa.
• The Final Attempt: It’s not over just yet. It wouldn’t be a “spectacular” revenge movie if the man didn’t get to pull it off in the end. Sanada and his remaining ninjas set up one last ambush complete with underground explosives and matching armor that gives them a chance to do the “I am Spartacus” gimmick. You can almost smell the shit that Ieyasu just dropped in his pants as he realizes that Sanada is not only still alive, but he has an eye patch that looks super badass. It’s a shame that Sanada couldn’t have put on a leather jacket at some point because I think it would have made his revenging that much easier. No matter, we finally get to see the Shogun get his comeuppance and “giddy” is the only word that comes to mind while watching it.

The Verdict: Obviously, I love this movie. It’s one that I rented over and over when I was young and having found it on YouTube I can assure you I will probably watch it once a month until they take it down. While it holds such a weird spot in my heart and fits into that nostalgic section of my brain so well, I can also say that Renegade Ninjas is certainly no masterpiece. It’s fun! It has some cool sword fights and enough explosions to bring on a smile but comparing it to all of the amazing Samurai movies out there would be ludicrous. A better way of saying it is that it’s the B-movie Cannon/PM Entertainment equivalent to epics from Kurosawa and Gosha. If you can’t spend 3 hours and take on the emotional stress of watching Seven Samurai then try out Renegade Ninjas, and for the love of God, check out that awesome cover art!