No Surrender Cinema: Real Men

Happy New Year, No Surrender Cinema readers! I hope everybody’s well rested and recovered from your holiday festivities, because I’m back to talk about another entry from the long list of 80’s buddy films. One’s a hard-nosed CIA agent. The other is a nebbish family man. Thrust into a situation that threatens the very existence of Planet Earth, they find themselves facing danger around every corner. There are Russian agents, CIA turncoats, and aliens to contend with, but those problems are all minor inconveniences for this pair of Real Men!

Nick Pirandello (Jim Belushi) is a suave, take-no-shit CIA agent tasked with finding a replacement for the recently deceased Agent Pillbox (John Ritter), who was killed while he prepared for an impending meeting with aliens who have offered to help save Earth. Due to a nasty chemical spill, everyone on the planet will die, that is unless the “Good Package” that is in the aliens possession is secured. The aliens have also offered the option of the “Big Gun”, which will speed up everyone’s demise by wiping out the planet. Since the aliens had previously entrusted Pillbox, the CIA wants Nick to seek out a lookalike by the name of Bob Wilson (also played by John Ritter), who is as far removed from being ready for CIA field work as you can imagine. Wilson is just an average insurance salesman who can’t even handle a gang of neighborhood bullies, let alone aliens and assassins, but Pirandello moves ahead with the plan to bring Bob under his wing.

All the talk of secret agents and the end of the world is a little much for Bob to bear, and he thinks that Pirandello is a wackjob. Just imagine if he saw what the world has become thanks to people airing their every thought on social media! Nick is unflinching and persists, not allowing Bob’s nerve-wracked and milquetoast manner to deter him from the mission at hand. He drags Bob away from home and from a shootout with Russian spies who have trailed Nick there. After a narrow escape that sees the Wilson house destroyed, the two hit the road, with Nick remaining calm, cool, and collective while Bob panics over his involuntary involvement in this top secret assignment. 

The two embark on a road-trip to Washington, DC, where the aliens will make the trade with Bob; he gets the Good Package to save the world, and they get…a glass of water. Seems like an easy enough trade, and one that is greatly in the favor of the human race. What Nick and Bob didn’t plan on were the various groups trying to prevent the trade from taking place, like the Russians who want to lure Nick over to their side, or the corrupt agents who want the Big Gun. The odds are against our heroes, but over time Nick is able to increase Bob’s confidence, even convincing him that he’s actually some sort of sleeper super-agent. The shift in Bob’s character is the driving force of Real Men, leading to some of the funniest moments and best action sequences…sometimes simultaneously! Bob running around pointing a finger gun at the bad guys and shouting “BANG!” leads to more casualties than you’d think, and the scene where Nick and Bob are cornered in an alley by rogue agents dressed as clowns is without question the most memorable scene in the entire film. 

Unfortunately, the world at large never got a chance to fully embrace John Ritter as an action hero, because Real Men was a victim of United Artists’ financial woes, and never got the widespread theatrical rollout that was intended for it in 1987. It wasn’t until it hit cable television in the late 80’s that it gained any traction, but that’s where myself and a whole generation of people fell in love with this offbeat action comedy. Ritter was only several years removed from Three’s Company (one of my all-time favorite shows, to the extent where Pluto TV’s Three’s Company channel plays in my house on a near-daily basis) and this was a chance to spin-off from his most famous role and trying something slightly different. Belushi was also more famous as a funnyman, but would enjoy greater fame on the action front the same year that Real Men was released, having played the title character in The Principal. Time just wasn’t on their side, but while both would enjoy continued success for years to come in both film and television, Real Men would soon be buried under a pile of buddy cop films and odd couple adventures like Midnight Run, the Lethal Weapon series, and Tango & Cash. Cable TV deserves all the credit in the world for breathing new life into it; had it not been in constant rotation on HBO through the mid-90’s, it would be nothing more than a mere footnote in both men’s careers. Thanks to that exposure, it became another slice of cable comfort food; one of those films that, when it was on, you’d just leave it on and enjoy it all over again. Was it the most exciting film, or the funniest? I can’t say yes to either of those, but the film has a certain charm to it. Where else can you see John Ritter ambushing a pack of burglars while Jim Belushi is enjoying some quality time with a dominatrix? Scenes like that that lend to Real Men‘s offbeat atmosphere are why it should be seen to be believed.

Real Men is currently streaming on Tubi, along with a full copy that’s easily found on YouTube. It’s had both standard DVD and Blu-Ray releases (the latter from Kino Lorber), but both appear to be out of print at this time, which makes me even happier that I didn’t think twice about grabbing the blu back when it first released. This is a forgotten gem that really should be experienced; those who don’t have the nostalgia of watching it in the afternoon after school like I do may not feel the full effect of its charm, but Ritter and Belushi are two A-list talents that put a fun spin on their usual comedic antics. Plus, there are aliens, explosions, espionage, brawls with local bullies…I mean c’mon, there are some straight up action movies that don’t give you that much variety! Do yourself a favor and find the time to check out Real Men,  because this is one film from the past that deserves to be enjoyed by a whole new audience.